life holiday

I know I said I was going to focus on designy stuff on here now, but after the last month, I had to add this wandering ramble about life - sorry in advance.

Recently I had an opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream. Yeah, it was a big deal and although it meant using savings put aside for other things, being away from my family, missing my kids like crazy and poor hubs and my folks having them to themselves for 3 weeks, there was no way I could turn down an opportunity like this. Lifelong dream people! Had to be done!

Said dream was to see the Aurora Borealis, or the Northern Lights. My sis in London mentioned she wanted to go to Sweden on the way to Berlin to celebrate her birthday in February this year, and after telling her of said dream, she simply said "You should come."

Such simple words, so hard to see how this could happen with 2 kids and no jobs after just arriving in Sydney 3 weeks prior. But stars came into alignment, things fell into place, the universe made it happen and I ended up having a mini winter Euro tour with my sister, who I haven't seen for 2 years.

Needless to say, the trip was amazing. I am so very lucky to be blessed with a family who were OK for me to do this, and to spend such a big chunk of time with my sister.

Me and my sis in the arctic circle!

But what I gleaned the most from this 'time out' from life, was how I was able to really see my life for what it was, to put everything into perspective and understand what matters most, and what needs to be let go of. I came back with a vitality I had not seen in ages, and so much love to give back to the people who had let me go.

I know many people would never do this. Either can't afford it, won't be away from family, think it's too selfish to go on your own. I have to say I did feel guilty being away on my own, but no, life is about yourself and your family. You are a part of your family, and every individual has needs that should be fulfilled. If they aren't, then I think you are only being half the person you could be, so not only do you miss out, but your family does not see the best person you could be as well.

So do it for them! A life holiday is the best thing I've done in a long time. What have you done for yourself today?

leave the kids at home

I am up in Sydney for the week after having flown up on my own with the two boys on the weekend. While I was pretty concerned with flying on my own with 2 kids, the flight itself was fine and the boys were well behaved, although I was hoping that a flight during nap time would mean a nap, not squirming on my lap, but at least he was quiet.

So it was a coincidence that this week Fairfax Newpapers ran an opinion piece on screaming kids on planes. In the article, the author, Erice Challis, explains that things would be much easier for everyone if airport facilities included more family friendly areas (play spaces, parents rooms etc) so kids could get their energy out without the need to run around in waiting areas and send other passengers batty, while giving the added benefit of tiring them out before boarding the plane.

Aaahh, the joys (Image EverymanTri.com)

I agree with the idea, and that it would benefit all passengers, not just the families using the facilities. What did concern me were the comments after the article. They were 50/50 for and against the idea, but the negative ones! When did Australia become so intolerant of children? I understand people having a gripe about kids who are running amok while a parent sits oblivious with the earphones in, but surely to paint all kids as precious little brats who are sure to make 'my' plane trip uncomfortable is a little discriminatory.

It was not just this article either that drew the wrath of pissed off passengers everywhere, this article about a woman suing Qantas over a screaming kid (ridiculous) and also this article about a survey of travellers who suggest a family only area on planes, both had the same vicious comments basically expressing their hostility toward children and lazy parents who chose to have them. One comment laughingly explained that it was the parents who decided to inconvenience their lives by having kids so the rest of us should not have to put up with them as well! 'Hey babe, let's inconvenience ourselves by starting a family'? Seriously?

I spoke with my mate Cookie about this and she mentioned she did feel the same about other people's kids before she had them, and I would have to admit that before I had kids I to could get pretty grumpy about the screaming baby in my vicinity on a plane, but this is the question I am asking, when did Australia as a society decide that kids were an inconvenience, they should be seen and not heard and we'd all be happier if they were left at home?

Travel to some destinations (Italy, Japan from what I hear...) and the bambinos are a delight to all and sundry, I reckon you might be treated better and with more respect if you DO have kids with you, so when did all this kiddy hatred creep in on our 'tolerant' and 'fair go' society? Shouldn't that fair go be extended to kids as well?

the pros and cons of parenthood

Just read an article in the Sunday paper entitled 'Motherhood a piece of cake? You're kidding' by Jo Case, which was a response to a previous article in last week's Sunday paper, 'Is motherhood really that hard?' by Jacinta Tynan.

(A quick disclaimer, this post isn't technically about design, but it is about parenting and writing, which is a kind of design no?)

Robbie, my second, at 2 days old.

I have to say I agree more so with Jo Case about her experiences of motherhood than I do with Jacinta Tynan. For me it's the constant questioning, yes this is the most amazing experience for me, and for us as parents, to have a small person look at you in the way only a 3 year old could - you are like their own personal sun. How can I see this experience of motherhood or parenting as 'difficult' or 'hard' when I should be filled with joy or find it 'exhilarating and rewarding' as Tynan says.

You know what, I do find it exhilarating and rewarding, especially today writing this as I am after a birthday party for said 3 year old. And as much work and cooking as was involved, nothing could match the joy and rapture that was evident on his face when a roomful of people were singing him Happy Birthday. These are the moments that make it worth it ten-fold.

This is the point though, they are moments. When washing crap out of underpants or trying to make dinner with a 1 year old clinging to your leg and whinging for the food you are trying to make - please tell me which of those moments I should be relishing.

Or the difficulty trying to find a part-time job in my industry. To the point where I have decided to start my own business to ensure I work the hours I want and get to spend at least half the working week with my boys. OK so this is a decision I have made, but I feel I have no choice if I want to stay in the career I started, and put your hands up who reckons starting your own biz with 2 kids under 4 is a good idea? I don't see this leading to blissful rewards and endless exhilaration anytime soon. Eventually, maybe, but you have to have goals yeah?

The above articles both showcase very different experiences, and this is what needs to be remembered, we will all have our very own, unique experience of this parenting gig. Some people will take to it like a duck to water and never look back. Others will find each day as difficult as the last and wonder how they would get through it were it not for the loving embrace of their child.

It would be interesting to see another article by Jacinta Tynan in 6 months time. Or after she has another child if she is so inclined. I also remember how blissful a nine month old is, by himself. An excerpt: "I know our baby boy is only nine months old and isn't even crawling yet, let alone tearing through the house crashing pots on to the floor. I know I only have one child who is healthy and I, thankfully, escaped the cruel curse of postnatal depression, but still I can't see what all the fuss is about." Jacinta Tynan 'Is motherhood really that hard', Sunday Age, 2nd August 2010.

Nine month old. One child. 'Easy' baby. No post-natal depression. Already back at work after paid maternity leave*. Sounds pretty good to me, esp the no PND part. Too many people I know (myself included) have gone through enough feelings of despair after having children without having to be told that "hey it's really not all that bad is it?", way to make us feel better.

I found Jo Case's article more relate-able. And I will be checking out her reading list, namely "The Mask of Motherhood" by Susan Maushart and "The Feminine Mystique" by Betty Friedan, and from her descriptions, I should have read these some time ago. From Case's article: "Maushart explained motherhood can be painful and crazy-making, but that doesn't mean you don't love your child. This permission to mourn my loss of self was also my gateway to slowly regaining it." It's nice to know it's not just me.

Wow was this ever a ranty post. Feeling much better now! Got anything you want to get off your chest? Feel free...

* From Jo Case article